wedding flower girl dress

Good ritual makes a difference. Words spoken within the confines of a ritual have deeper and greater importance almost anywhere else. In a ritual, promises that are spoken become an oath to which you commit your lives. It's true that your wedding ceremony is focused on the promises you and your beloved offer one another in your wedding vows.

But it is also true that the children's lives are being changed. Give them an opportunity to understand and be a part of the solemn ceremony that will transform their lives as well as yours.

More and more people want to include their pets at their weddings because they're part of their families. I'm not sure what pooches gain from the ceremonies, but their people like having them along. But children, even very young children, understand the importance of ritual activities. I don't know whether it's the solemnity or something else, but the same thing that lends weight to your promises will lend weight to theirs.

There are so many ways to include the children. Create a ceremony with a section about and for the children. Be realistic about their interest and ability in participating in the ceremony. Be particularly realistic about their feelings and ability (at this point and further on) to participate in the family. Acknowledge their centrality to in your lives. It's ok to ask for their promise to participate in your family. Offer your promise to be good mentors and parents and tell them how excited you are to have them as part of your life. Consider a small gift for everyone to serve as a symbol of their place in the marriage. You'll know better than I what would be an appropriate gift for your children! But it's important to acknowledge that this is now (however uneasily) a family unit.

Ritual works. I have seen miraculous things happen after carefully planned wedding ceremonies. I've seen parents embrace same-sex partners, estranged parents settle their differences for the good, and sullen teenagers make an opening for a transforming life. Your wedding ceremony is not going to solve all your problems. But declaring intentions to live together in harmony, out loud and in public, can sometimes be the start you need for the family and the marriage that you want. Those are promises to live into!